I dislike attention. I dislike being on display. I dislike presenting in front of people. But this year I pushed myself and participated in Carnaval in San Francisco so I could get past some of my shyness. P.S. Can I say “I” and “dislike” more? Yes, I can!
But the thing is, I adore Carnaval. I’ve loved it since I was a kid. No, I never went to Brazil until I was an adult, but I was always fascinated by the spectacle and the energy. And because of that, upon invitation of a very sweet Baiana friend of mine that I met in my 20s, I went to and was enchanted immediately by the event in Salvador, and have therefore danced in Carnaval in Bahia a handful of times (anyone can do it). So I it’s a “No, duh!” for me to be part of it in my home base.
For the past few months I’ve been rehearsing every Sunday. For skilled performers, the choreography isn’t complicated, but for a newbie performer like me, I needed practice. LOTS of practice. And up to today, I could have still used more practice, but I committed to it, and that’s all there is to it.
So, earlier today as I drove to our capoeira studio, I commented on how the streets could pose a challenge because they were uneven due to construction (Tucanare, do you recall?).
Now I’m sitting here with an ice pack on my ankle that took a nice roll into the asphalt.
To the following questions I answer yes: Could something worse have happened? Am I frustrated and pissed? Do I want to try it again?
It’s put a fire in me to give it another go; if not Carnaval, to performing, to practicing, to anything that pushes me out in front of people. Not because I need accolades, per se, just to prove it to myself that I can do it.
All I can say is, I went out running and dancing with all of my energy, and in that, there can be no regrets.